Saturday, January 10, 2009

I'm Back

So I've been gone a long time...a really long time, and I don't have a whole lot of an excuse. I came back to blogging with a bang a few days ago, but my husband and my Dad both thought it was too much of a bang, so I listened to the male majority and took it down. If you read my post (in the whole hour it was up) about the person who hurt my feelings, I would like to give you an update. I am scared to speak too soon...but I think I may finally FEEL forgiveness in my heart. Sound the Hallelujah Chorus!!! It did not come from writing that scathing blog, instead it came from talking to my Dad (after he told me to stop airing my dirty laundry on the world wide web:)) and realizing the SOURCE of all that anger. It wasn't the woman as much as it was what she called me--a fake person.

Now I get to this blog and my point. I think that the reason I've had trouble forgiving the woman, and the reason I have compulsive honesty vomitorium on this blog, is the same. There are some issues from my past (that Dad helped me identify) that have led me to DESPISE dishonesty in others and myself. The woman called me fake--dishonest--which has long been THE VICE I've tried to run from. That's why she hurt me so bad. Then, in fear lest any of you think my life too rose-colored or, even worse, fake and dishonest, I tell things on this blog that I don't even want to share. It's a compulsion. A need to tell it all, just in case you might think I'm a faker.

There's something about finding the root of a problem, even if it doesn't fix it, that is like a breath of fresh air. Knowing that I have a choice right now, to not list the details from my past that made me hate dishonesty, instead of HAVING to write them, feels like a weight off my shoulders. Will I start lying to you on here and painting everything in sepia tones...NO!!! I just hope I'll feel the right to choose what I do and do not say. Whew! I don't know if that made any sense, but I sure feel better.

As for our lives, Jeremiah is hopping all over the country interviewing for spine fellowships. I packed our little selves up and headed to Dothan where there are bunches of people just itching to share the load of these munchkins :) My sweet friend Darby had us over to do the above craft with her girls. She fed us lunch, the girls played and shared like champions, and we even got some good conversation in in the mix. Thank you! Thank you Darby, Morgan, Paige and John Martin!

Hopefully it won't be another month before we talk again. I've missed you :)

10 comments:

Carly Winborne said...

Whew! One of the things I've enjoyed most about your blog, despite the fact that I've never met you, IS your honesty! I've never sensed a fake air about you in the least. Whoever it was that said this about you obviously has a handful of her own issues (jealously most likely at the top of her list!).

Don't stop the honesty, the transparency. I believe it's a refreshing change from what many other blogs are like, even ones that are written by mothers like us.

LOOK WHO'S MARRIED!!!!! said...

I've wondered where you've been. We've missed you. I've had a similar experience with blogging. My husband tells me that I put too much of myself out there for the world to see. But, what he doesn't realize, is that it's therapeutic for me. Once I get out what I have to say, it doesn't bother me anymore.
I've been called fake, a racist, full of myself, etc.....yes, it hurts. But, Carly is right....it's mostly jealousy.
So....keep on posting. You have tons of nice blog followers that are supportive of whatever you want to write.
I, for one, LOVE your honesty.

Gail said...

The thing I LOVE about you is...YOU are so honest and a breath of fresh air! I enjoy waiting for your next post! You have wisdom beyond your years. Don't let anything, or one stop your thoughts and sharing with others. I,for one, am really a OLE' lady..and I am always, always amazed how much I learn from YOU!!! Your heart is open and I love that. Always remember, dear..."And, the truth shall set you free" Don't shut down! I give thanks to our God that he made you just as you are!!! G

~MGF said...

I began reading your blog over a year ago. I am so glad that you're back. I've missed your "sweet postings" mixed with great wisdom and real, everyday experiences that offer laughter and crying. I hope one day to meet you so I can give you a great big hug for adding a bright prism in my life. In Christian Love...

Darby said...

Abby,
I am one of few who got to read your "vent session" the other night. I too share your great disdain for fake people who are unapproachable. My theory is that their unapproachableness and falsehood stems from their lack of confidence in who they are and what they have. This tends to manifest itself into gossip and even more likely than gossip, false gossip. It irritates the living stew out of me. I get frustrated with such behavior and find myself saying {usually to myself} "just be real people"... I believe people like this fear that who they really are isn't "cool or acceptable" so they build themselves up by tearing others down. I find satisfaction in knowing that I fall short... always. My marriage isn't perfect. My kids aren't perfect. My house isn't perfect. My life and what I say and do isn't perfect. But Jesus Christ is and he died so that I may have his perfection. Big sinner with a bigger savior. What comfort that gives me. Do I still care what others think... unfortuantely "yes" and probably will this side of eternity. But I find comfort and humility in showing my shortcomings. Be who are you... you are real!! I love you and thoroughly enjoyed our time together!! Please come play everytime you are in town!

Nai Nai said...

Abby, Thanks for sharing your life with us and nevr think of yourself as being fake. I know you and your family and there is nothing fake about you. We are always going to have one bitter person in everything we do.Don't let one bitter person darken your "brightspot" to all of us bloggers who look forward to reading about another Mothers daily walk. Keep on blogging!!

Kellie Patton said...

Okay, so it's sad to say how MUCH I have missed you! Welcome back! I LOVE your honesty and transparency - I strive to be more like that on my blog - the problem is I push things out of my memory so fast and forget to blog about them - I will do better - if for no other reason, than for me to look back on myself and learn from! I'm so jealous of your time with Darby - I would love to hang out soon! And as for the front-loading washers - THANK YOU, as I am one of those with a top-loader and I love it, but have always secretly wanted the other, but not anymore!

Kendall Boggs said...

To one of the most "real" people I know...you! I didn't read the blog but I'd love to know what the woman said! I mean what the heck was she thinking? You are so YOU - the real deal!

Jennifer said...

I enjoy your blog... even though I have never met you but am (or was) a Dothan resident. I also went to elementary school with Jeremiah so those two things perked my interest in your blog... but you and your writings are what have kept me checking back. Keep on doing what you are doing... don't let the haters get you down. I have missed your posts! Glad you are back.

Jenny said...

Abby-
I have to tell you I am one of your blog readers that you have never met. I went to law school with Katie Bradshaw and she led me to your blog. Everyday I look forward to seeing what you and your family have been doing and savor the way that you are able to turn a normal day into something so extraordinary. I also want to thank you for the honesty that you write with. So many of your blogs have struck a chord with me - mostly because I can relate to your issues. I don't have children, a husband (or a new puppy!) but I think at the core we are all dealing with the same things. So, when you see that someone in St. Louis is checking in, it is me. So glad you are back!! Happy New Year!