Lies and Submission

Do you ever lie to your husband? Are you ever tempted to lie because you want to appear to be submissive? Let me give you an example from our life:

I believe God places a desire (in most women) to make their house feel like a home. I believe God puts it there, which certainly makes it right. Our Creator forms within us a desire to create--to make our earthly dwellings a (albeit meager) shadow of the heavenly one He has prepared for us. The problem I run into is that He also asks that we be good stewards of the money He entrusts us with. I don't know about you, but I have trouble making a beautiful home without money :). There is no "decorating budget" at our house at present.

So, what is a girl to do? I was about to move into a fully furnished home. Amen, what a blessing! However, while it is a blessing, it is also strange to be surrounded by things that aren't ours. Especially since the couple we are renting from have an avid (AVID) love for the Orient. As in, the wife has written textbooks about the Sung Dynasty, and her husband devotes a large part of his retired life to collecting Asian art and textiles. There are also total libraries filled with books written in Chinese. I can value their passion; I can appreciate the art and clothing of a different culture, but it is in not my personal shadow of a heavenly dwelling :)

When we walked through the house before moving in, there were decorative robes and long tapestries written in Chinese hanging from the walls. All I could see were Mary Aplin's peanut butter and jelly covered fingers running by and smudging their priceless collectibles. They offered to take down anything that made us nervous, and I smiled and asked that they please take it all down (Have you met Mary Aplin?!).

They did take down the valuables, but that left me with a whole LOT of blank space on the walls. I knew I couldn't fill it all, but the big gaping area over the fireplace where a Chinese painting once hung just screamed "Fill Me!! Fill Me!!" While it was screaming at me, I received a little brochure in the mail from Pier 1, with a picture of a mirror that sent off a little spark in my heart. I started doing internet searches to see if I could find one similar on eBay, or Amazon, or a random knock-off anywhere. I tend to get obsessive when I get my mind set on something. Finally, I call our local Pier 1 "just to see," I tell myself. Keep in mind, this has all happened over a couple of frenzied hours, and I have not informed Jeremiah that I even have a desire to fill a few wall spaces.

The nice lady at Pier 1 puts me on hold while she goes in the back to see if they have my mirror in stock... ... ...Not only do they have it, but it's ON SALE!! I ask if they can hold it for me, but the answer is "No," not for a sale item. The only way they can hold it is...if I buy it. I looked down at the coupon for another $15 off I held in my hand. I thought back to all those mirrors on eBay, none of which were as pretty or as cheap, and I swiped it. I caved under the sales pitch. I couldn't stand the thought of losing my mirror, even if it did mean making a (for us) big purchase without asking my husband.

As soon as I hung up the phone, the dread hit me. How was I going to tell Jeremiah? It's not as though you can easily hide a big mirror hanging over the fireplace :) So here's when the lie happened over our innocent little dinner table:

Me: I feel like we need to put something over that huge open space above the fireplace. Don't you? It just feels sort of stark in the house with all the empty space, and I think that is probably the most important space to fill...

J: Ummm, have you looked around the house to see if there is something lying around we could stick up there?

Me: Pretty sure there's not {What on earth does he mean? Seriously, I am thankful he is not in charge of decorating.}, and I found this really beautiful mirror at a great price from Pier 1. It's on sale and I have a coupon.

J: We've been spending too much lately with the move and living here, let's just be content. We have a great house, the last thing we need to spend money on right now is a mirror.

And there it was. Sunk in the water. My lie of omission, thinking I would manipulate him around to my way of thinking, not happening. And my mirror waiting on hold, already purchased, right down the road. What bothered me the most, was that he was absolutely right. I didn't need that mirror right now. If I had consulted him, like I knew I should, from the outset, I could have been spared the lie and the buyer's remorse. Why is it easy to lean on my husband in the big things (like whether or not to move to Seattle, or where to go to church...) but much harder to relinquish control of the small things?

I didn't say anything to him at first. I was too embarrassed about being caught in my lie and unsubmissiveness. However, conviction crept up on me while I washed the dishes and kissed the girls goodnight. As Jeremiah and I sat in bed, I debated how I could ease the blow on myself, and finally decided that I should just be honest:

Me: I lied to you.

J: About what (His face is turning red, like he's imagining some huge scandal)?

Me: I already bought that mirror I told you about at dinner. And I'm not sure if I can return it, because it was on sale.

J: Why in the world didn't you just tell me you already bought it?

Me: Because I knew you would be more likely to agree if you were part of the decision. I know that's manipulative. I'm sorry. {And now I am crying over a stupid mirror} I'll ask if I can take it back.

J: I don't want to be a person that tells you "No" all the time. I don't think we should get it, but you decide.

What a beautiful picture of the grace God offers us. Even though we screw up, and think we can hide things from Him, and think we can make a better decision than He can...He's still there, waiting for us to stop wallowing in our mistakes and just confess and ask for forgiveness.

After all that grace, you'd think I would have found a way to return the mirror wouldn't you? Weellll, I got there, and I'm afraid I loved it even more in person. He had told me I could make the decision...And I convinced myself that he would be glad one day. How could he not love such a beautiful mirror at such a great price?

As a sort of an apology, I devised a much cheaper way to decorate the even larger wall space:

Which serves the dual purpose of helping us fight our homesickness. And the pictures reflect off that lovely mirror above the fireplace :)