Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Grant Me the Patience for Patience

Whenever the shackles of resident's life, loosen enough that Jeremiah can slide into his place at our dinner table, we then begin the process of absorbing each other's day. There's comfort in that. Comfort in the effort of recreating all the insignificant incidences that tied new knots in my neck, or strengthened the ones that were already there. I can try to huff, even more than I necessarily felt, over the "smart talk" I received from Pace. I can use all my dramatic faculties to paint the picture of the chaos that ensued after Mary Aplin discovered she could remove her poopy diaper herself. I can monotonously list all the chores I performed again this day, which I watched unravel as soon as they were completed...just gearing up for me to do them again tomorrow. I can talk about all these things, and he can nod his head and even open his eyes widely as though he understands...but he doesn't, not really. Just as I don't really understand all the pressures that call him in early and hold him there late. We try, for each other, but God has granted us two differing roles and asked that we sympathize with, but not necessarily understand, the other. Partly, I believe, because the need for understanding stems from the root of pride. And He's always trying to dig that up, isn't He.

Do you want to know, after all my dramatics at the dinner table, what is the consistent utterance from my lips? What I hear Jeremiah praying for me each morning before he straps himself back on to the end of that chain...Patience. Patience. Patience. Patience. How many times have I prayed the words, "Lord, help me to be slow to anger and abounding in love..." I desire a gentle and quiet spirit, one that has the patience to endure all things, with love. From the fact that Pace refuses to learn the letter "A," to Mary Aplin's temper tantrums every time I strap her in the carseat, to the playroom that is forever and always needing to be picked up--give me the patience to conquer each task, without tying another knot in my neck, and without showing my family the blackness of my sin-filled heart.

Someone warned me once, that patience is the last thing you want to ask God for. "When you ask for it, get ready for Him to teach it to you." I am willing to attest to the fact that He has given me ample opportunities to learn, and I still see no real end in sight. I think my new prayer may be, "Lord grant me the patience to learn how to be patient."

11 comments:

Natalie said...

oh i feel you.

and while your alphabet may start with "b", our counting starts with "2". there is no number "one" in this house, at least if bennett has anything to say about it.

J said...

Abby, I completely identify with what you've shared here. Thanks for taking the time to write.

Kristen said...

Never posted here before and can't even remeber how I found your blog but love it! I use to pray for patience too, until a lady in my bible study said I may want to rethink that pray(I never dreamed that by praying for patience that I was asking God to send me challenges so I could work on my patience). So now I try to pray that we will have a good day or that I be the mom that He wants me to be. I still fail but I do feel better knowing that I did not ask for the new challenges I am presented. Keep up the great posts!

Kelly said...

all i can say is, "right there with you, sister". sassy mouth (as we call it in our house), temper tantrums, house that looks like a tornado hit it, no patience from mommy and all.

Angela said...

I not only sympathize but COMPLETELY understand. This sounds like my day in a nutshell. Praying for patience right along with you Abby!

Gail said...

THANK you for this one! I needed it...A reminder on what-- patience--- truly is...I was flooded by the words "root of pride" "Understanding", that is. I, too, am filled with pride! I just need a wink from God to see that. Thank YOU so much for that "wink" today. I love your words. You have a gift! Keep using it! People, like me...need to see, hear, and learn! Thank you, dear!!!!

Ashleigh said...

Well said!! I too am praying for patience :) I'm sure you've read The Invisible Mother. I read it again the other day and it came just at the right time. I need to read it every day, it seems to put all my "issues" in perspective!

ml said...

Well said! I also have to pray for patience... I feel like I am running through life trying to get things done and I never stop and just enjoy where I am!
I also gave you an award on my blog.

ml said...

Ha! No, you definitely didn't scare me :) I am just glad you were reading!

Kaydee said...

"the need for understanding stems from the root of pride" amen. i related to your words on so many different levels, so thanks for this post.

if you see an "albertville from kyleandmandy" on your live feed...that'd be me. =) thanks for checking out their pics!

The Mize Family said...

Side note: Jonathan used to throw tantrums getting into the car. I had a special stuffed animal I would pull out just for that time and it would distract him enough to let him get buckled. His was a monkey that sang. Good Luck, I know how frustrating it is and you are like good thing they are little and I am stronger now. Hopefully when Jonathan is taller than me I will not have to buckle him into a car seat anymore.