I took a shower at the gym again today, which, with all of the naked older ladies running around, got me thinking about nakedness. I feel like I keep waiting for that day to come, when I am in just the right shape, and have developed just the right amount of self-confidence that I will be able to run around our house butt-naked...like my Mom did. It hasn't happened yet. And, from what statistics say (and from the ninety-something-year-old bodies running pell-mell around me in the locker room) I would say that things tend to get worse in that department instead of better.
I have evidence of this very fact in my own short life already. I can remember, just before Jeremiah and I got married, I had sort of a panic attack about feeling like I was "tricking" him into marrying me without really knowing what he was buying into. I worked up the courage one night when we were watching a movie at his house to say as much:
Me: Jeremiah, I am worried that we are going to get married and you're going to see me naked, and then it's going to be too late for you to get out if you don't like what you see. I mean, do you think I should just flash you or something and get it over with? [way to help the weaker brother hold strong, sweet little Christian girl :)]
Jeremiah: I have seen you in a bikini lots of times. Is there really that much more to see?
Me: (Feeling at least a moderate rush of relief at this realization) You know, I guess you're right!
Jeremiah: Now, go home immediately before I change my mind :)
So there I was, obviously insecure about nakedness then, and now I look back at our honeymoon pictures and wonder what in the world I was self-conscious about? That was the time to seize nakedness for all it was worth. I missed my chance!
Then, a couple of days ago, I finished reading (listening to actually) Great Expectations. I remembered there being a movie with Gwyneth Paltrow and Ethan Hawke, so I looked up the trailer to see if we should rent it. This is what I found: SEDUCTIVE TRAILER
That scene, where Gwyneth sheds her clothes like it's no big thing and plops casually down to be painted made me say, "DADGUM, that is sexy. I want that confidence!" Isn't that what men always say (and women too for that matter)? The sexiest thing about a person is their confidence in themselves. There is no way that Gwyneth Paltrow doesn't have little boobies and some wobbly bits that aren't her favorites, but there she is working it like it's 1999.
So, I've decided that there is no time like the present...to get naked. I don't want to look back in ten years, at pictures that I am taking now, and wonder why I didn't go ahead and be confident in all my nakedness. Things are not like I want them to be, but will they ever be? Do I want to always be a little shy in front of my husband who loves me and just wants me to be as confident in myself as he is in me? No, I don't. I am going to throw caution to the wind, embrace my inner Gwyneth, and get all confident in my naked self. I encourage you to do the same :) and let me know how it goes. Just kidding, I think we all better screen that one...
P.S. I am drawing a name tonight, so you better comment if you want to be in the drawing!