Thursday, April 24, 2008

The Tiny Acrobat, the Naughty Puppy, and the HIPpopotamus

No, the circus is not in town, its just been a bad week over here at Club Maddox.

The Tiny Acrobat: Mary Aplin is a little over 6 months old. She is sitting on her own for brief periods, babbling here and there, and cutting teeth all over the place. She is still standing like a champ, and today I put her in a high-chair for the first time to eat her breakfast. As you can see, she was pumped. I wish I could report her height and weight, but we're running a little late on that 6mo. check-up. Last appointment (4mo) she was in the 90th percentile for height and the 60th percentile for weight, so I know she is not in any kind of danger, but she just looks skinny to me. Give me some rolls, some sweet meat, a rotund belly, and several chins!!! Pace was a chunker and I just can't get used to my light-weight. So, don't tell the LaLeche League, but I've started doing a little supplementing once a day while also trying to nurse for longer periods (and hopefully build my own supply).

Now, she may be thin and she may not look very agile, but I am here to tell you that M'Apples is channeling Jackie Chan whenever I turn my back. In the past 2 days she has hurled herself off the bed THREE times. I know you are all shaking your heads in disapproval, wondering how I could be so negligent, but the first time she was STRAPPED in to a baby seat on our bed watching Baby Einstein. Jeremiah and I were eating dinner when we heard a loud thud and ear piercing screams. We bolted to the room to find an empty baby seat, with buckles still fastened, and M'Apples face down on the hard-wood floor. Fast forward to the next morning, when I lay Mary Aplin on Pace's bed, with her feet facing the edge, and squat BESIDE her to pull Pace's dress over her head. The next thing I know, THUD. There she is face down again, but this time with a slight scratch and knot on her forehead. Finally, that afternoon, I was confessing to Jeremiah about the second spill she had taken on my watch. He looked at me like, "How in the world?" and then agreed to keep an eye on her in our room while I finished peeling potatoes. Jackie Chan came whipping out for her third showing and taught her Daddy a lesson about thinking that Mommy doesn't pay close enough attention. She's sure to point back to this post in about 13 years when she makes a bad grade on her math test.

The Naughty Puppy: That picture shows Pace acting all sweet and innocent with Avery, Brett and Ashley's new puppy. Don't be fooled! On Tuesday, she received not one, not two, but FIVE spankings. You know how many pets will act out--strewing the garbage, chewing up your new shoes--if they aren't getting enough attention. Well, apparently Pace got a little too close to that puppy and picked up some similar behaviors. She pulled out half a box of garbage bags and scattered them all over the kitchen, sprinkled some of Mary Aplin's sticky baby formula on the bags and the floor, unloaded a cabinet in the breakfast room and broke a picture frame in the process, tucked several wipes under the sheets in our bed and made a nice wet spot, and then came to me with chocolate around her mouth, on her fingers, even in her molars, and when I asked her repeatedly if she was sure she hadn't eaten any chocolate came back with a very staunch "NO."

Then there's the potty training aspect of our life at present. I have often said that raising a puppy is harder than a baby, because at least you can put a diaper on a baby. Well, not when they're potty training! I don't want to potty train. I know she will figure it out one day, but she has been begging me to let her wear big girl, princess panties, ever since she saw her little friend Natalie wearing some. I started to feel like I was stunting her progress, so I agreed to the panties. On Monday, she tinkled all in her high chair at breakfast (the panties and dress had only been on for about 5 minutes), which had to be dis-assembled and washed. So we took a break and went back to diapers for a few days. Then today, she convinced me again. Things went pretty smooth all morning, and then I got a little cocky. I had to go get the oil changed/tires rotated, so I took my diaperless wonder along. I asked her when we got there if she needed to go to the potty...was she sure?...did she just want to sit on there and try? I received adamant no's to all these questions. So, I'm jiggling M'Apples on one knee while Pace is sitting in another armchair looking at a magazine when I notice that Pace is saying something about being all wet. Sure enough, she peed all over her dress and the chair and starts screaming "Don't spank me Mommy! I just tee-teed!" (Just so you know, I have never spanked her for having an accident of this kind, but she could see the cloud come over my face.) Fortunately, she had spilled a glass of water on the floor a few minutes before, so I was able to honestly tell the maintenance man that I was so sorry, but my little girl had spilled her water. I mopped up the chair, scrubbed it with a wipe and said a little prayer that that would disinfect at least some and proceeded to the parking lot to strip Pace of her clothes and bathe her with wipes.
The HIPpopotamus: That would be me. I tried to put on a dress this morning, that I wore for my college graduation, and as my Easter dress after I had Pace (that's it in the picture). I got it zipped, but it was so tight on my hips that I felt like I was listening to a clock tick away a count-down of how long I had before the seams burst open. The butt cup was just, well, WAY too cupped. It was depressing. After much consideration, I have decided to blame the weight on the Tiny Acrobat. If she would nurse more I could burn some more calories :)

Just put a tent up; it's a circus.

17 comments:

Lindsey said...

This post was absolutely hilarious.

Kellie Patton said...

Oh Abby! How funny was all that! With my 3rd to arrive in just 7 days, (3 children 3 and younger!!) I can't help but know that things will only become more and more of a circus around here -- it should give you peace of mind to know that these things happen to ALL moms (and dads!) Keep them coming - you make me laugh!

thebarronfam said...

That wore me out just reading about your day! I think I would go back to diapers for now.:)

Anonymous said...

Bless your heart! I think this Blog is my favorite so far this month!! I could not help but to laugh out loud, right by myself! You have definately had an interesting week, but just keep working hard on the potty training! The girls get more beautiful every single day! And don't worry about that dress, after two children, you should be thankful that you got the thing zipped!! :D

Tara said...

I have been cracking up reading your post. I can relate to so much of it. Tell Jeremiah I've got you beat on how many times the child has fallen off the bed. (Not that it is anything to be proud of...but hopefully it will make you feel better). To date, he has fallen off the bed 5 times (4 of those times under a year old!) It happens so fast, but luckily he was fine every time. My sister said it means good luck (?)....I think she was just trying to make me feel better too!

Denise said...

A hippo is the last thing that comes to my mind when I think Abby Maddox!

Beth G. said...

I love this post because it is so similar to my own personal circus here in California!!
Anderson too is much smaller than Karoline. She was always in the 85% for weight and he is in th 14th%...I have nursed both of them! He only nurses 4 or 5 times a day and for like 5 or 6 minutes TOTAL!! I can't get him to nurse more... He does have a bottle of 3 oz. before bed. I just HATE pumping.
I feel the same way about potty training and I think I am going to wait until this summer when we can go outside with the Dora undies and not get my furniture all wet!
Good luck with everything!!! Wish me luck too!

Darby Stickler said...

Abby...

If you're feeling like a Hippo... watch this and you'll feel much better about yourself... especially when you're singing Apple Bottom Jeans in the basement making a music video! You HAVE TO WATCH IT... OK??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDfggrz5uF4

This is the first time I've ever heard this song... I laughed so hard I thought I'd have coffee dripping out my nose!

Love you,
D

Tegan said...

Okay before I left this comment I just had to see the video Darby wanted you to watch. I'm dying laughing right now...you make me laugh so hard...you are far from a hippo on your worst day. I had no idea where you were going with the hippo title...

Lindsey said...

that is too funny! i can relate to so much of it... the babies falling off the bed (that happened with elle about 3 times), the potty training "accidents", and the HIPpopotamus. i just tried on a swimsuit a few days ago and thought i might pass out in the dressing room. two babies have done a number on my HIPS?!

Rhett, Megan, Claire and Ford said...

Abby, I found your blog through Mallory Wilson's blog and I have enjoyed it so much even though I don't know you! Our kids are very close to the same age (our youngest are just a few days apart!). All of your Mommy stories are so encouraging because we are all the same boat - keep 'em coming! I can realate - I wore a dress to church on Sunday that I wore when we told our families we were expecting our first baby 3 years ago. I had to take a tylenol when I got home because of the discomfort I caused from sucking in and standing in an awkward posture all day! Ugh!

Anonymous said...

Abby, I see.....A CHEERLEADER..in the making! LOL...Hang in, there, dear....Potty training is for the BRAVE only! LOL...Fun memories you are making. Hold on to them all! Life is good, and this stage will soon past...and...off to college your girls will go...NO DIAPERS...Promise! LOL.. Enjoy the ride...A True Fan....

Pamela said...

This post is too funny, don't stress over the potty training thing like my mom told me about Caleb nobody goes to kindergarten in diapers. She'll get it when she is ready. As for the hippo let me tell you, you look GREAT and really that is all that matters, says the girl who's jeans are currently hugging the butt a little too much. Keep laughing or you'll cry is my motto

Kelley Brown said...

Okay, I know it's not really funny that Mary Aplin fell three times, but I couldn't stop laughing!!

Jonathan and Lindsey Leonard said...

Hey Abby, love your blog. As for potty training it is definitely a "Rome wasn't built in a day" process. Av has been in panties for months, then we were in Nashville this weekend and it was a battle to get her to go on the potty! Things are back to normal now that we're home, but she was in diapers for a chunk of the weekend. Keep at it!
L-

Taylor said...

hey abby,
i laughed out loud at the fun stories! miss you... I get back on may 8 in atlanta and jd is coming to get me maybe we will stop in bham to see you for a sec?! love you. tay

Jason and Laura Brantley said...

Hey abby! i thought it would be fun to get all us KD moms together for a playdate one saturday. there are so many of us that live in Birmingham. email me if you are interested!
laura.brantley@gmail.com