Monday, September 24, 2007

Uncomfortable

So, I'm uncomfortable physically. I am 2.5 weeks from my October 10th due date, and at my last doctor's appointment he said there were no signs that Mary Aplin is going to be making her debut anytime soon. Also, I'd gained 2.5 pounds in the past WEEK--to add to the 2 pounds I'd gained in the 2 weeks before that. Honestly, I had been pretty happy with my weight gain during this pregnancy, but now here I am in the home stretch and the weight is multiplying exponentially. This same thing happened last time. Most people either stop gaining or LOSE weight in their last month, but not this girl. Most people say, "I'm just so uncomfortable I can't eat." Obviously, "not eating" is not something that happens to me when I'm uncomfortable :) All in all, this is a very trivial problem. I would honestly rather be gaining too rapidly than losing too rapidly...there is no question that this little girl is thriving. I could gripe and list out all the different things that are aching and throbbing, or I could tell you that I put on my outfit to go to the gym this morning and looked so hideous that I couldn't bear to go, but I am trying not to be as big a whiner as I want to be.

I am also uncomfortable emotionally. I just feel like my life is changing rapidly, and I hate change. Maybe that isn't quite fair...I think my life has been changing at a normal pace, I think now I am just starting to notice all that happened while I wasn't paying attention. I went to Dothan this past weekend, and I saw that Mom really is sick. I haven't given an update on here in a while (and I don't think I'm up to it today), but right now between her chemo and the cancer she just can't go like I'm used to her going. That's hard to see. However, we are all still claiming God's physical healing ON THIS EARTH, and trying to wait patiently for its fruition. What a fun blog that will be to write :)

In Dothan there were also changes like my little sister, Kendall (I still slip up sometimes and call Pace Kendall if that gives you any idea of how I see her in my mind), being on the senior homecoming court. She cheers with little girls that I used to babysit. This big strong football player went up to the microphone to announce something or other about the upcoming game, and it turns out it was scrawny little Brian whose diapers I used to change. It was just bizarre.

Finally, I am emotionally uncomfortable with changes that are happening in my friendships. Maybe it's because I got married before I was finished with college, or maybe I just have the ability to stay blissfully blinded, but when I think about my best friends from college they, like Brian in his diapers, are still just the same in my mind...and heart. I don't talk to most of them very much, but somehow I assumed that we all felt the same towards each other as we did when I knew the details of every date they went on or what they liked to eat for lunch on Wednesdays. I think I have created a world where if I turn around and squint just so at the right time of day, I can still see everybody just as I left them when things were at their prime. I can see myself about 20 pounds lighter. I can see Mom, with a full head of hair, running Caroline to piano practice, Taylor to soccer, and Kendall to Kindermusik. I can see my friends from college scattered around our den in North Face jackets talking about how Whitney can get a medical excuse for the test she doesn't want to take that afternoon. But that's not where we all are anymore, is it? And that makes me uncomfortable.

12 comments:

Robin said...

Loved your message. Your are so precious and if you think you feel old..what about me?Hang in there..We are all praying..Loving you...Mrs. Robin

Lauren S. Hauge said...

Abby,
Your the reason I blog! I have loved reading about your sweet family. You have inspired me in so many ways. We are praying for you as Mary Aplin's birth nears. I feel your pain about being uncomfortable. The last few weeks are the worst. We can't wait to see pictures of that precious baby girl.
Love,Lauren

Marisa said...

Abby, thanks for sharing your heart and experiences, I always love checking in on your blog. I will be praying for the home stretch and am so excited for you guys(ya'll)! I'll also be praying for your mom, even though I only met her a few times her beautiful heart and spirit left such a lasting impression. The Lords healing power is amazing, just keep claiming it girl! love you-Marisa

Abby Maddox said...

It's great to hear from you! Thanks so much for the prayers.

Darby Stickler said...

Abby, My heart is heavy for you. I can only imagine the stress you are under. Between another baby coming, Jeremiah being gone and your mom being sick. I think I'd be wondering what happened to the "good ole days" too! No, I'm certain I'd be wondering what happened to the good ole days! I too struggle with what happened to them. Why can't Dothan be like Tallahassee was? Where are my college friends... when we had not a care in the world, other than boyfriends and classes. I'm reminded of 2 Cor 12 where Paul was afflicted with a "thorn in his flesh" and he pleads with God to take it away but God said to him, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." And Paul says he will boast all the more gladly about his weakness so Christ can dwell in him. And that he will delight in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, difficulties. For when we are weak, then we are strong!
That would be the D.P.V. (Darby's Paraphrased Version!) I'll be praying for you and for your discomfort and all the uncertainties you face. It's really neat to think about how God will use this and how he orchestrates our lives. And we can't even imagine what the next chapter holds, let alone the next page. Ok, I probably should have just sent you an email! I love you and I'm praying for you! I can't wait to meet Mary Aplin (I noticed you dropped the "e"! But I assure you it's still a family name!). I wish I was closer to go drink lattes with you and poke in antique stores, while the girls are at school! I'm praying for you and what you face and I'm confident you will look back on this, and like Paul, delight in your weaknesses because you know that when we are weak.... He is strong!! Love you my friend! Tell Jeremiah to wrap it up soon and move to Dothan... ok??!

Gonzo in ATL said...

Thanks Abby, of course I remember you. Despite my best efforts in college, my memory is still fairly solid…..what was I talking about?

Just to let you know, I really enjoy your blog too! Pace is beautiful and I can’t wait to see pictures of Mary Aplin… once she arrives. Kudos on the new bedroom, the stripes look great.

Not that I’m an expert on parenting by any means, but my mom used to make me a cheese sandwich before bed every night She would give me the option of “Big Sailboats” or “Little Sailboats” (this is accomplished by cutting the sandwich diagonally in half or into fourths.). Of course, I always chose little sailboats…because they’re awesome.

Thanks for the kind words about the blog

Maggie said...

Abby! I think just like that -- how funny that other people move on and I just see them the exact same way as the last time I left them... bizarre. I wish I had your actual email address -- I would LOVE to get together anytime. Tyler is almost always out of town and I am always up for time with old friends. I know you are busy getting ready for Mary Aplin these days, but if you get bored and want to meet for lunch or anything let me know - maggieoconnor330@gmail.com -
love, maggie

Gonzo in ATL said...

Technically I guess that's plaid, not stripes... regardless, I like it.

Holly said...

It is funny to look back on how we have all changed in the past 5 years! Thankfully, I think we have all grown a lot since the "castle" days sitting around the den eating and skipping class. Those were some fun times!

Joy said...

Abby~ I keep updated with you through Mallory. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope to see you soon!
Joy Jonas

Abby Maddox said...

Hey Joy! I keep updated on you through Mal as well. I just saw pictures of you and your precious baby in the hospital! Thanks for saying hello, and next time you come to see Mallory, maybe we can see each other in person :)

stewdog said...

Hey! Tell Ken and Becky hola and War Eagle for me!